9 Weeks, 6 Days

Finally, things are getting into a routine. Still extremely tired, but I took off a week after conference and stayed home. I wish it could have been more, but I'll take what I can get.

It was nice because I got to know my daughter. Sounds weird, but I got to see her when she wasn't fussy or tired or hungry. I have a lot more tolerance now for the times she is crying because of it.

Rebekah's tracking really well now and is even anticipating where things will be before they get there. She's also reaching and has just started to grab.  We've noticed a perpencity for right handedness. We've also discovered she's ticklish and I even got her to giggle the other day.

It always sounded kind of silly to me when other people would say it, but I'd just sit and watch her if I could. It's really fascinating.

6 Weeks, 2 Days

Several years ago, my younger brother and I went out to our college  for homecoming. We went up to Cedar Rapids to see a friend, drove back to southern Iowa to the college, hung out at the bar until it closed, went to a friend's who just got back in town, then got on the road. We drove straight through from Iowa to Virginia. When we hit Pennsylvania, we had 2 hours of sleep a piece from the time we got up in Cedar Rapids. We got home that night, went to bed, got up the next morning... Well, later that morning, and went to work.

The thing is, it's not like I'm missing one night's sleep. It just goes on and on and on. There's no end in sight. I'm walking around in a fog, half the time just going through the motions.

I love my daughter and don't regret being a father, but right now it seems like the only thing we're doing is trying to keep her from crying.

Anyway, I'll have pictures up as soon as I have time to get them off the camera and load them to the site.

18 Days

Man, am I tired. But, I wanted to get this done. Of course it will probably be the longest entry so far, but a lot of people have asked me about my next entry. So, here we are.

 

We’ll start with a short recap of the 6 days we were in the hospital. We went to the sonogram as mentioned in the previous entry. Turned out the amniotic fluid was 5cm low. So, the imaging placed called Doctor Burks and he suggested we induce. That was the first thing that didn’t follow our birthing plan.

 

After a quick stop at the house to get suitcases and a phone call to the office, we headed to the hospital. We were both wound up, but managed to take everything in stride for the most part.

 

So, we get to the hospital and they put Dukkie on Cervidel, a drug that’s supposed to thin the lining. After 12 hours of that (and probably our last good nights sleep), they started the Pitosin. That lasted 36 hours.

 

Once the Pitosin was started Dukkie had to be on an I.V. That’s fine, I guess, except Dukkie is not easy to stick. The short version is in 36 hours Dukkie was on the Pitosin, she was stuck 8 times, twice by anesthesiologists. Only 6 made it into a vein, and she blew out 4 of those that made it in.

 

By the 24th hour Dukkie was miserable. The contractions were about a minute apart and lasted about 30 seconds, so there was no time for Dukkie to relax or catch her breath. Finally someone came in and got the epidural started. All was right with the world again. Once the epi. went in, they had to insert a catheter, so Dukkie was confined to the bed.

 

After nigh onto 48 hours of being in the hospital, Doctors Burks determined that Dukkie had only dilated 3 cm and suggested we go for a C-section.  You’ve heard of a look speaking volumes? Well, Dukkie and I glanced at each other and without a word passing between us, decided to go with the C-section before anyone was in distress or in any real danger. About 2 hours later, at 1:22 p.m. on September 2, Rebekah was born. 8 lb 6.6 oz. and 20 3/4 in.

 

After a C-section, the hospital keeps you for 4 days and I stayed right there with Dukkie and Rebekah the whole time. Rebekah was slightly jaundice for the first few days, so we had her under the bili lights while we stayed there and had a bili-blanket at home for the next few days. Everything went fine though and no one was ever in any real danger.

 

The really annoying thing was we told the nurses explicitly that we didn’t want Rebekah to have a pacifier. But every time she came from the nursery there was a new pacifier in her mouth.

 

If that was the worst of it though, I guess it wasn’t so bad, except the lactation specialist said she’d “forgotten” how to nurse. We wanted to exclusively breastfeed. We got 2 good feedings, and then we couldn’t get her to really eat properly. Correlation with the pacifier? I tend to think so. But, with the jaundice, this was not a time for Rebekah not to eat.

 

That’s the specifics. Here’s the other stuff.

 

Once we got to the hospital, Dukkie and I were pretty much fine. We were both anxious for the delivery, but otherwise we were okay. Dukkie and I are the type of people that when we’re really comfortable we tend to joke around. When we’re nervous we become very quiet and almost stoic. So understand when I say we were laughing and having a good time, all things considered.

 

Right before we went into the O.R. I went to Doctor Burks and told him “Just so we’re clear, I have no desire to catch the baby, cut the cord, or anything like that. I’ll stay on my side of the curtain.” and that’s just what I did. When Rebekah was delivered I peeked a little just to make sure she was okay, and then I went to Dukkie and said “She’s fine. She’s moving and everything.” As you may or may not know, babies usually don’t start crying after C-sections as quickly as babies delivered vaginally.

 

After she was cleaned up, the nurses called me over to the table where they had Rebekah so I could see her again. Crazy thing was she looked just like the 3-D picture from almost 16 weeks earlier.

 

Right after the birth I was so overwhelmed, I didn’t really make a connection with her until much later. Maybe it was just the stress from the C-section or the lack of sleep over the past few days, but for the first few hours I just had the feeling of “Yep, that’s a baby.”

 

At this point I’m just so tired that the full magnitude of the situation hasn’t really hit yet. Logically I know we have this beautiful little girl to provide for during the next 20-some years, plus being a parent after she moves out on her own, but emotionally I don’t think it’s really sunk in.

 

That said, I also have this feeling, the only thing I can associate it with is when I went through puberty. I used to get these feeling of things changing, but I could somehow make them stay the same if I just kept to my same old routine, knowing that wouldn’t make a difference. And the only thing that really changed  was me, or at least my perception of things. Here I am again, knowing that my perception has changed, but not fully comprehending what that means. Rebekah was the catalyst, now I just have to figure how we all fit together and find that rhythm. I don’t know if I explained that very well, but it’s the best I can do.

 

I put a few pictures on the photo pages at http://stevendukkie.tripod.com/us. These are all from 1 to 5 days old. More pictures are coming.

39 Weeks, 3 Days

Or 4 days left. 

I'm tired of waiting. Dukkie's tired of waiting. Everyone is tired of waiting. And at the rate things are going, it looks like we're going to be a little late. First kid, that's not unusual, but it doesn't make us any less anxious.

Mom and Dad... I mean Grandma and Grandpa got here Tuesday. Everything is in place now, so the 'Bekka can come any time now.

This week we have a photo essay. I first have to say "Thank you" to Patty for what is my favorite gift. Now, visit http://stevendukkie.tripod.com/us/ and start with "Putting together" the highchair - 1. If you can't tell we were just having fun, I'm not going to tell you.

We're having a sonogram today to figure out what's going on and just to make sure everything is okay, so I'll have more later.

37 Weeks, 3 Days

Or 2 weeks and 4 days left... give or take a week or 2.

Well, I've got more video, I just need to get it downloaded, edited, and uploaded to the site. I feel bad about that, but at this stage all we're getting is a heart beat. I think it's the coolest thing in the world, but I don't know that anyone else will really care.

Dukkie said they're running out of room. Things are getting really cramped. All normal stuff.

Mom and Dad will be here in a about a week and 1/2. Should give us something else to think about until Rebekah finally decides to make and appearance.

The showers have started. We had one at church and one at my office. Both were a lot of fun and we really appreciate everyone's gifts and well wishes. The only thing that upsets me is some of the larger items, you push this lever, pull that handle, swing it over your head and it's set up. here I was looking forward to hours of fun with all the pieces spread out on the family room floor and the little allen wrench that comes with it and gets lost 2 minutes after you take it out of the little plastic bag it comes in, or the screw driver with the phillips head on one end and the flat head on the other. I just hope the full size Barbie funhouse leaves some work for me to do.

Sitting here thinking about it, there is some truth to it. If I put these things together I'm doing something for my daughter that will bring her joy. There isn't that same sense of accomplishment by just opening a box.

Maybe I'll repaint her room.

35 Weeks, 2 Days

I've started counting backwards now. Instead of 35 weeks and 2 days into the pregnancy, it's 4 weeks and 5 days left.

I'm still power nesting. Everything is ready for Mom and Dad except putting sheets on the bed they'll be sleeping in. Now I'm just trying to get a few small projects done, but nothing really major. Unfortunately the down side is the daily routine stuff still isn't getting done on a regular basis.

I've been keeping myself so busy that I haven't had time to get real nervous yet. I try to spend some time every evening with Dukkie just being together. When I finally do, the same things comes out of my mouth: "Shit, Honey. What the hell do we think we're doing?" Oh, well, no turning back now.

We finished the nursery. Still a little clean up to do, but it's really just a little now. I plan on having that done this evening. We'll see how it actually turns out, but I'll have some of it done at least. Pictures are at http://stevendukkie.tripod.com. Click on the "Home Improvement" link, go to page 2 and it's the last 2 pictures in the album. I'll have more soon.

That's about all there is now. Just counting down the days.

33 Weeks, 4 Days

I was going to do an entry when I got the video from our last doctor's visit up, but it just hasn't happened. We sold the old house and I've been spending all my time doing that "power nesting" thing. So, this is more of an update than a progress report, if that makes any sense.

We asked to have a sonogram done, but the baby's too big now to get a clear picture. We did see bones, heart, 10 fingers, 11 toes. So we know everything's developing normally. Hard to believe we're almost at 6 weeks. Just over a month.

I haven't decided yet if I'll continue this blog after the birth or not. Might be interesting to keep it up, but we'll have to wait and see.

So, the house was sold, the floors were finished and now we're painting the nursery. Dukkie's aunt, uncle, cousin, and grandfather are coming down this weekend with a crib, and we want to have the room pretty much done by then. I think we can have the room done tonight. It's looking good so far.

Then we're going to rearrange the storage rooms so we can set up the carpeted one as a guest room. Should have that done next week.

Really, that's about it. I rearranged our photo pages, so they are now at http://stevendukkie.tripod.com, but all the baby info and pictures are still here.

I had a thought the other day. Not sure where I'm going with this. It's as much a stream of consciousness as anything. Anyway, I was thinking about the birth and Rebekah, and I came across the expression in one of the vaults of my mind: "You can't choose your family."

In case you can't tell or haven't noticed, I'm very family oriented. I'm very close with my brothers and parents. Sure we annoy the hell out of each other sometimes, but we're still family. That's not what I came up with or what was at issue at the time. 

What I came up was I have this child and I only have so much influence over how they grow up and how they turn out. I believe nurture and nature have equal influences in a child's development, so Dukkie and I only have a finite amount of influence. Albeit a large amount, but finite none the less.

Now, the whole point is you can choose your family. I chose to ask Dukkie to marry me and I chose to have a child with her. I think it will prove to be a good choice.

31 Weeks, 4 Days

Finally, finally, finally finished the floors. I had a 4 day weekend for the 4th of July holiday and I varnished the floors, cut the 1/4 round, painted the 1/4 round and molding, helped a friend from work move, put down the 1/4 round and molding, painted the dining room and started putting the furniture back in the rooms. Because the furniture was being stored in the nursery, we haven't really been able to do anything in there.

We closed on the old house last Friday, and since I don't have to go over there any more and work I can dedicate my time to our house now. I've been doing what I call "Power Nesting." All the stuff I've been wanting to do since January 4 when we found out we were pregnant is being stuffed into the next month and 1/2. All we really have left now is painting the nursery and putting it together.

30 Weeks, 4 Days

Not much to tell this entry. Just more of the same. I'm still loosing sleep and getting a bit loopy as a result. People at work have commented on how goofy I'm getting.

Everything is still going fine. Rebekah's kicking a lot now. We saw a moving the other night and for the first half everyone had to listen to Dukkie going "Oh!" and "Ow!" every few minutes because she was kicking. So what do I do? Just layed my hand on her belly. Not much else we could do.

Rebekah's rolled over to a head first position. Makes life interesting for Dukkie because Rebekah's kicking her organs a lot more now. She's also started getting Braxton Hicks, I think it was Tuesday evening.

There was a few things I wanted to comment on, but with the lack of sleep and everything, the thoughts have left as fast as they came. If I remember them, I'll put them down.

9 weeks and 3 days to go (if she's on time). just under 2 months. This has got to be the stupidest thing I've ever done, and I've done some pretty stupid things. I can't believe we're doing this.

There's some new movies on the baby page.

27 Weeks
So I'm not sure how many people are reading this now. Dukkie and I have told a few people and this blog has kind of grown into a thing unto itself. It's made me a little self-conscience about what I write, and there's some things I've thought about that I haven't or won't put in this blog. But it makes me feel obligated to update it in a timely manner, and I mean that in a good way. I've thought about keeping a written journal so I can some day pass on all my thoughts, but I haven't been able to motivate myself. Funny, I can sit and type all day, but writing something in a journal is beyond my capabilities. I used to do it when I was younger. Why not now? Guess that's a topic for another blog.

Anyway, to task:
It's the first day of the 3rd trimester. Another milestone. I'm still having trouble getting to sleep, but considering we took a vacation last week, it wasn't as important that I get to bed at a set time. Not sure how I'll do the next few days. I'm kind of tired from the trip back. We'll see.

Couple of things have been on my mind. One thing is we've been kind of slacking off. We've been having a lot of rain, so our evening walks have ended up going by the wayside. I've been kicking around a few ideas to get back on a schedule, and I think now's the time to put it into effect. We've had so much extra stuff going on, we've been taking care of our lives, and not ourselves. Stuff like my father-in-law's estate, moving, the holidays, Dukkie's studio, and so on. It's left little time for diets (meaning meal menus, sit down meals, etc.), exercise, haircuts, etc.

Part of my problem is quitting smoking and substituting food. My last check-up (2 weeks ago) I was heavier than my sophomore year in high school. May not sound like much, but that's the heaviest I'd ever been until now. Not really the shape I want to be in when Rebekah arrives. It would be kind of nice to be able to roll around on the floor with her, play with her, and be able to keep up. I'm almost 40 and and it's definitely getting more difficult to maintain myself. But, I want to for 'Bekah's sake as'well as Dukkie's sake and my own.

The other thing on my mind of late: Dukkie and I were talking about 2 weeks ago (tells you how long it's been since I've been able to get on here) and I realized we've been doing all this reading and studying about the pregnancy, but we hadn't done anything about once the baby is here. We'd talked about things in passing like pediatricians and no tv in Rebeka's room, but nothing about child development or what she'll be going through when. Made us both feel kind of stupid.

Since then, Dukkie has gotten some parenting books (I haven't started reading them yet) and she's contacted Parents as Teachers. So we're trying to get caught up.

But it made me stop and think this child will not be wanting for love, affection and protection, I have no concern about that. She'll be clothed, fed, a roof will be over her head, hugs and kisses, a warm bed, all those things. The thing that concerns me is I want to do everything perfect but know, in spite of my best efforts, I can only do my best and hope that's good enough.